My Qoop

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Quotes from a Wise man - Jack Handey

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." and if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did".

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp, juiciness about it that was very pleasurable -- until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an Angel gets set on fire.

Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.

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